Greg's proposed one-page summary for Zhalindor
Greg sent me this. Please read and enjoy.
Gerald and Moth are sitting alone in camp. The others have all gone off
elsewhere for various other things, except Querya, who is hiding.
Gerald: Can I go set the village on fire?
Moth: No. Corlis left me in charge of the camp. He told me to be responsible
and he gave me direct orders not to let you leave the camp.
Gerald: (downcast. Thinks for a moment. Has an idea) Can I use the magic ball
to summon the demon lord?
Moth: No. Corlis gave me direct orders not to let you summon demons.
Although it would be kind of cool to see if it worked... No. No. You may not
summon any demons. That is final.
Gerald: (Now really frustrated. Thinks hard for a long time. At last, he has
an idea)Can I drink that mysterious potion with the skull and crossbones on
Moth: No. You may not. That is dangerous and stupid. You could get killed.
You could get turned into some sort of horrible monster and leave the whole
party in the lurch if the party returned and needed you. I will not let you
drink that potion. I will drink it myself. (drinks it. Turns into a penguin.)
Gerald begins to throw rocks at the penguin, then gets bored and goes to
summon demon. Penguin waddles after him, quacking in alarm.
Corlis, Bow, Vochma and Issek return to camp. An enormous demon lord towers
over the camp. In one hand, he holds Gerald, kicking and squirming. He is
about to pop him into his mouth. At the edge of the clearing, a penguin
waddles about in alarm.
Bow: Oh my God! Look at that! (He points) A penguin!
Corlis: We must attack it. (Stops, and begins to think, as though
remembering) I'll never forget the battle of Lop Nel. Penguins everywhere.
The sky was dark with penguins.
Bow: But penguins can't fly.
Corlis: They were standing on each other's shoulders. (A look of regret
crosses his face.) We took grievous losses that day. Oh the quacking and
waddling! It was horrible. (trembles).
Bow: (Puts his hand on Corlis) That's okay, big guy. You can show your soft
side here. We're all men of the '90s.
Issek: How much do you think we could get per pound for penguin meat?
Vochma: That stupid Gerald. This is all his fault.
Corlis: (Gains control of himself) Yes, yes, you're right. I must not forget
that I am a powerful warrior of Lop Nel. (sings) Big warriors don't cry. Big
Issek, Bow and Vochma: (singing) Don't cry-y-y. They don't cry.
Corlis: (still singing) Big warriors don't cry.(stops singing) No, it's time
to go berserk and slay that ferocious penguin.
Bow: Good idea. Meanwhile, I will secure a tactical advantage by retreating.
Issek: If we told everyone it was from a magical bird and its flesh granted
immortal life, then we could probably make a lot of money.
Vochma: I have a headache.
Demon: (Having finished eating Gerald, looks around) Hmm. That was yummy. But
I'm still hungry. What else is there? Why, it's a penguin. I hope it doesn't
spoil my low-fat diet. I'm trying to get rid of those ugly bulges in time for
the beach season. (Reaches out for the penguin.)
Corlis: (has gone berserk and is rushing toward the penguin with his magical
sword over his head.) Arrrgh!
Moth: (agitated.) Quack. (Seeing it's no use, he whips out a fake mustache
from nowhere and puts it on.)
Corlis: (confused) Where'd he go? There's no one here but a guy with a
mustache. (sees the demon. charges)
Demon: (confused) Where did that yummy little penguin go? There's no one
there, but a guy in a mustache. Oh, there's a Lop Nel paladin. I might as
well kill and eat him.
Issek: I wonder what I could get for the hairs in that mustache.
Vochma: I really have a headache.(casts magic missile at demon)
Bow: (stops running ) Turns and fires arrow at demon.
Corlis: Arrgh! (hits demon with sword).
Moth: Quack (bites demon on ankle)
Demon: (hit by magic missile, arrow and sword and bitten by penguin) Ouch!
That hurt! You little meanies. I know when I'm not wanted. (disappears).
Sometime after the demon has fled. The party has broken up again. Corlis has gone to
search the area for ferocious penguins. Querya is hiding. Vochma is searching the area
where the demons were. Issek and Bow are sitting around wondering where Moth went.
Issek: I wonder where Moth went.
Bow: I don't know. The demon probably ate him. But we could ask this short fellow with
the mustache. He was around after all.
Issek: Good idea. (turns to Moth) Where is Moth?
Moth: Quack. (points to his chest).
Issek: (To Bow) Do you speak that language?
Vochma: Hey, guess what? I found Gerald's nose. Now we can resurrect him.
Bow: That's great news. (back to Moth) Now what happened to Moth?
Moth: Quack. (points to himself)
Bow: (to Issek) Why does he keep doing that?
Issek: He wants you to give him some money.
Bow: (gives him some money) Now where's Moth?
Moth: Quack (points to himself.)
Bow: (Gives him some more money. Looks at Issek) Why don't you give him some money?
Issek: (rolls his eyes) He didn't ask for it from me.
Bow: (gets angry. grabs the penguin by the collar). All right, you. I'm getting tired of
Tell me where Moth is or I'll run away and shoot you with an arrow.
Moth: Quack. (covers his head).
Issek: Wait a minute! I have an idea. What about charades? Everyone understands
Bow: Great idea (let's go of the penguin). Now we're going to play charades. If you don't
tell us where Moth is, I'm going to make a strategic retreat and shoot you.
Issek: (as Moth gestures) Okay, letter of the alphabet...You're pointing to your eye. I !
Second letter...sounds like. (Penguin hums). Hummm. M! M! I M ... I M what?(Moth
begins to make a buzzing sound and flaps with his wings). A bird... No, a bird that makes
Bow. An insect! I M insect. (thinks) An insect? I got it! Why didn't we think of it
(Moth smiles.) You have really low self-esteem, don't you? (Puts his arm around penguin).
You should do what I do. Every morning, I look in the mirror and say three times in
"Every day and in every way, I'm getting better and better."
Moth: (slaps his forehead in frustration).
Issek: No, no. I think maybe he's talking about a kind of insect. What is it?
Butterfly? Moth? (Moth brightens as he says this) Hamster?
Bow: A hamster is not an insect.
Issek: Yes it is.
Bow: No it isn't.
Issek: Yes it is. It's very small isn't it?
Bow:(considers) Well, maybe you're right.
Moth: (grabs a nearby battle axe and begins to swing it at Issek and Bow. Just then, the
spell wears off and he turns back into an elf)
Issek and Bow: Moth! You were transformed into a little guy with a mustache! Why didn't
you tell us?
Vochma: While you were talking to Moth, I went into town and found a druid to reincarnate
Gerald. He came back as a penguin.
Gerald: Quack quack!
While Issek and Bow cleverly question the mysterious mustachioed stranger and Vochma
tries to resurrect Gerald,
Querya continues hiding by sneaking through the forest. Meanwhile, Corlis wanders
through the wilderness in
search of the ferocious penguin that was
sighted near the camp.
(scene begins with Querya sneaking through the forest by herself. )
Querya: (Begins to sing)
I'm off to hunt a vicious penguin
Hidey hidey hidey hidey ho.
I know I'm being very sneaky.
No one will hear me. This I know.
A bunch of forest animals pop out from among the trees and begin to sing as a chorus,
as they march along behind him.
She's off to hunt a vicious penguin
Hidey hidey hidey hidey ho.
You know she's being very sneaky
and walking on her tippy toes.
Shhh! (they put their fingers to their lips)
Querya: (does not notice the animals walking along behind him. Continues to sing)
You know that I'm a master woodsman
There's no one quieter than me.
If something moves within the forest
I hear with perfect clarity.
A couple of satyrs playing musical instruments come out of the woods
and join the procession of animals. They continue to play as they
march along behind Querya.
You know that she's a master woodsman.
There's no one quieter than she
and if you are out in the forest
she'll sneak up on you sneakily.
Approaches the edge of the forest
I've enjoyed sneaking through the forest.
I'd like to do it every day.
But other tasks are now calling me
And so I must now go away.
The procession reaches the edge of the forest. A treant comes out with an enormous drum,
which he beats loudly
in time with the music.
We've enjoyed sneaking round with Querya.
We're sorry now she's going out.
The next time she sneaks through the forest
we hope she will give us a shout.
Querya walks out of the forest into an open meadow. Corlis is bending over smelling a
Corlis: Pretty flower. (notices Querya.) Oh Querya, I didn't hear you.
Querya. (nods knowingly) That is because I am a master woodsman. There's no one
sneakier than me.
Corlis: Yeah, that and all of that singing and music.
Querya: What singing and music?
Just then, their arch-enemy, Asim, appears.
Corllis: Asim! (reaches for his sword) I'm going to kill you.
Asim(smiles) No you're not. Because I hold something that will frighten even you.
(Pulls out something from behind his back) A giant, electric penguin!
Corlis(Takes a step back.) Gods no! Wait a minute. That's not a giant, electric
penguin. That's a rat.
Asim: No it isn't.
Corlis: Yes it is.
Asim: No it isn't.
Corlis: Yes it is. It has four legs, whiskers, a tail and very dirty fur.
Asim: And a giant electric penguin doesn't?
Corlis: Well, no giant electric penguin that I've ever seen does.
Asim: Have you ever seen a giant electric penguin?
Corlis: Well, no.
Asim: My point exactly.
Corlis: (frightened) Run away!(starts to turn to flee)
Querya: Wait a minute. If it's really a giant electric penguin, then it should know the
penguin fight song.
Corlis: Yeah! That's right. Let's hear him sing it.
Aasim: Well, he can. He's just shy about singing.
Querya: (looking more closely) Also, he looks like he's dead.
Aasim: Well, that too.
Querya: Well, if he's dead, he probably doesn't know how to sing the fight song.
Aasim: Not necessarily. We know very little about life after death.
Querya: (thinking deeply) Hmm. That's a very clever argument, but...
Aasim: Wait. Wait. He's not dead. (begins to move the rat's mouth while trying to sing
his lips.) Go electric penguins! Fight fight fight! Electrocute our enemies! Pow!
Querya: (laughs). Ha ha ha. You fell into my trap. In fact, the electric penguin fight
song is entirely instrumental
and played on kazoos.
Aasim: Run away!(Turns and runs away.)
Corlis: (Aside) Now this is what I call a happy ending. (Raises his Brodacher and, with
Next Episode: The Order of Chaos or Band of Black Mounts and the Curse of the Cuddly
After the party returns from defeating the great Bad Guy SmellyBelly, (and
having gained a wish restoring young Gerald to the world of the living.
Because otherwise the Duke would be Pissed.) they stumble in to the Inn of
the Three Legged Pig.
Corlis: Fine job my bold companions, let us drink to a mission accomplished,
and the cause of good well served.
Bow: Great, You buy, I spent all my money buying Gerald back from the
slavers, again! (Glares at Issek)
Issek: I couldn't find my wallet.
Vochma: (Running her hands through her hair) Great Corlis, get me a glass of
wine. Oh damn, err.. sorry dad, oh darn, I broke a nail.
Querya: Nice Piggy (as she scratches the three legged pig under the chin.)
Moth: Gerald Quit using your sword to light torches, you going to set
something - (Whoosh!! the curtains light on fire.)
Bow: Oh Man, (Looks at the pig.) Just get me a beer! Lays head on table.
Corlis: No problem, I'll just shake up the decanter of endless Agua con
Gass... the decanter... now I had it here somewhere.. Brodachure, Armor of
total protection, Helm of ultimate conceit,... Ah here it is. (Corlis pulls
out a glass bottle from his pack aims it at the flames and... Nothing
happens.) Darn, what happened.
Querya: Your stupid Broad acre just sucked up another one of our magic
items, that's what. (Looks down at her empty scabbard and wipes a tear from
Pig: Oink!! (Flips full beer off snout onto table next to Bo'ws head without
spilling a drop.)
Bow: Glug glug glug
Gerald: Hey Corlis, how about letting me try that thing?
Corlis: I'm afraid young Gerald that your father would not permit me to
allow you to destroy the town.
Issek: Hmmm.. Now that gives me an idea. Gerald Insurance.
-Suddenly the door bursts open, and inside step two tall men with green
cloaks and leaves in their hair-
Vochma: Oh Man here comes an encounter, and all I have left are read magic,
comp languages, forget, and knock.
Moth: Don't worry, I'll talk to them. They are clearly nature folk as am I.
Bow: Oh man, Hey pig, Another round, this one's on the elf.
Gerald: I'll come along, I am the heir apparant after all.
Corlis: Gerald, put away the fire sword first.
Gerald: Oh Yeah!... Ow..
Corlis: No Gerald, turn off the fire, then put it in the scabbard.
- Another beer lands next to Bow, Moth and Gerald go forward to talk to the
... seconds pass...
Moth: What do you mean we burned down your forest, you can't prove that.
Gerald: Well, moth, I did sort of accidentally practice lighting things on
fire while you guys were asleep.
Corlis: Gauntlet of Sleep (His gauntleted had comes crashing down on Gerald
head. The boy slumps to the floor.)
Vochma: And there were those 6 fireball that you let loose into the Teeant
Moth: They were threatening us.
Bow: Glug glug glug
Green Guy #1: Enough, now you will pay. (Begins chanting)
Green guy #2: Yeah (Begins waving arms about)
Querya: Oh Stinky! (Blends into shadows)
Vochma: Oh god what do I do. (Begins looking through her pack.)
Corlis: I don't even need to go beserk, there are only two of them. (Draws
Issek: I'll offer 20 to 1 odds on the green guys.
Moth: (Begins chanting)
Green guy #1: ... Hah!.. (A huge green rent in the air and a great terrible
mighty Giant lynx leaps out towards Corlis)
Corlis: Yawns, (Takes sword and using special guinsu technique slices up
Querya: (Steps out of shadows) Awww you hurt the kitty.
I should take a tactical position under the table.
Green guy #2: creates small sphere of fire and throws it at Moth.
Moth: ... Oww, oh darn, so much for that spell.
Vochma: Ah here it is Klatu Verecti (Holds forth a spoon, and twin lightning
bolts leap out.)